Long engagements

[noahidelaws]

Someone has told me that the Rebbe permitted long engagements if the couple was nowhere near each other. I find this very hard to believe. Can someone please provide a source for this?

[Torah613]

Why don't you ask the "someone"? Maybe he knows of such an answer.

[MahTovChelkeinu]

I know one couple: shluchim, FFB from Chabad families, married about 30 years ago...

The Rebbe told her to finish seminary. She was outside of the US. He was in Crown Heights learning. That stretched the engagement to over 8 months.

[Torah613]

Could be. I am biased, as I myself had an answer from the Rebbe negating a close to 5 month engagement (no, I will not get into details...).

[chossidnistar]

obvious, that there were general answers, to keep it short, and few special exceptional cases

[Torah613]

The question was, whether the Rebbe allowing long engagements when in different places was more of a general rule and not "exceptional". One would have to know of answers decrying long engagements even in such a situation. OTOH, it is a מילתא בטעמא.

Possibly a perusal of all the printed answers on the subject would shed light.

[MahTovChelkeinu]

Could be. I am biased, as I myself had an answer from the Rebbe negating a close to 5 month engagement (no, I will not get into details...).

No details neccesary, but do you mean telling you to break off completely or telling you to marry sooner. If it was the former, then seemingly your situation does not apply (unless the length of engagement was the reason to break up). If the latter, then that makes sense.

[Torah613]

Oy vey. Marry sooner!
I don't know of an answer to break off an engagement because of the length. Do you?

[MahTovChelkeinu]

No, which is I why when I read your answer to mean breaking off the engagement, I was confused what that had to do with the thread...

[GroisaTzadik]

There's no 2 ways about it. The Rebbe wanted engagements to be as short as possible. And that there should be minimal contact between choson and kalla during that period!

[sarah_haras]

Im not religious, but can I ask this question: how long do people date before marriage in the orthodox world. I ask this because i have been taught by my parents that people should not marry immediately, but take their time to get to know each other. People who rush are not likely to have a successful marriage, no?

[chossidnistar]

Im not religious, but can I ask this question: how long do people date before marriage in the orthodox world. I ask this because i have been taught by my parents that people should not marry immediately, but take their time to get to know each other. People who rush are not likely to have a successful marriage, no?
http://www.chabad.org/generic_cdo/aid/448424/jewish/Marriage.htm

[Majorthinker]

1) I knew I'd see this thread when I did.

2) Not to sound odd, but....

The Rebbe used to tell people to wait and finish seminary/certificate whatever, because "single girls should not be learning with married ones" for some odd reason, probably related to topics of conversation. Then programs became three and four years instead of one, and the Rebbe said that he was unwilling to tell people to wait that long, or not to go out- because it was an unreasonable request-, so he started to approve couples who married earlier, even though it was a bdieved situation.

I guess the lesson from here is to finish before marrying. (Hm, I proved the opposite of what I thought I was going to.)

3) Also, noah isn't going to ask the person who told him, because that person, like me, puts finding sources on an unending to-do list.

[Torah613]

2) Not to sound odd, but....

The Rebbe used to tell people to wait and finish seminary/certificate whatever, because "single girls should not be learning with married ones" for some odd reason, probably related to topics of conversation. Then programs became three and four years instead of one, and the Rebbe said that he was unwilling to tell people to wait that long, or not to go out- because it was an unreasonable request-, so he started to approve couples who married earlier, even though it was a bdieved situation.

When did these programs become three and four years? Where are any of these answers of the Rebbe? Do you know people who personally got these answers (pre GT, of course!)? Correct me if I am wrong - but I am pretty sure it often happens that married girls finish their years - and this happened (IIRC) even many years ago - contradicting this purported answer of the Rebbe.
But I guess to ask for sources is a no-no, so I will have to have emunah...

[noahidelaws]

It is absurd to make claims like this that the Rebbe said such-and-such with no sources at all, not even "rabbi ploni told me," and claims that go against what we all know the Rebbe to have said in general. It is reminiscent of a certain maamar chazal that Torah613 has referred to in the past ...

[chossidnistar]

I am not surprised

they look as "igros answers"

you can hear it everyday: the Rebbe told me this, the Rebbe told me that"

[Majorthinker]

When did these programs become three and four years? Where are any of these answers of the Rebbe? Do you know people who personally got these answers (pre GT, of course!)? Correct me if I am wrong - but I am pretty sure it often happens that married girls finish their years - and this happened (IIRC) even many years ago - contradicting this purported answer of the Rebbe.
But I guess to ask for sources is a no-no, so I will have to have emunah...
Which programs?

I honestly heard it in one of the dumb you-have-to-sit-through-this-because-attendance-is-mandatory speeches with some big name...at the time, it didn't interest me enough to bother asking for the source.

It is absurd to make claims like this that the Rebbe said such-and-such with no sources at all, not even "rabbi ploni told me," and claims that go against what we all know the Rebbe to have said in general. It is reminiscent of a certain maamar chazal that Torah613 has referred to in the past ...
I don't know what maamar chaza"l you're referring to; I'm not going to put a name on CT, but if you like, I'll PM you.

I am not surprised

they look as "igros answers"

you can hear it everyday: the Rebbe told me this, the Rebbe told me that"
"The Rebbe told me that I should sneeze to the left." :rolleyes:

[GroisaTzadik]

With all due respect my friend ms. Majorthinker. Reb Torah613 happens to be 100% right. To say things in the name of the Rebbe without bringing a soutrce is VERY wrong. Never mind the apikorsus...

[Torah613]

How did apikorsis get into this?

MT - the 3-4 year programs that you mentioned.

[Majorthinker]

How did apikorsis get into this?
Dunno.

MT - the 3-4 year programs that you mentioned.
I apologize- I was not referring to seminary programs but degree programs.