Help me stop

[EveryLeaf]

I've been watching movies on Youtube on my cellphone. Help me stop- please.

Thank you,

[Torah613]

Get rid of the cellphone.

[chossidnistar]

change your smartphone or Iphone, for a feature phone, you stil can get emails

[Kookoo Kabalist]

Look at the bill.

If you're paying for an internet/data plan, stop.

If not, consider the payments your parents will have to shoulder.

[danzinger]

According to the Ba'al Shem Tov, every process of tikun (repair, rectification) that we undergo must follow through three stages: submission (hachna'ah), separation (havdalah) and sweetening (hamtakah).
In your case, the first stage is to quit "cold turkey" by submitting your will to Hashem's will and immersing yourself in Torah study.
Once you have begun that, the stage of havdalah begins. You need to clarify for yourself what it is that you are lacking spiritually that makes you find those films fulfilling on a physical/emotional level. This stage is best accomplished by talking things over with a mashpia (a mentor) or a close friend or relative.
The stage of sweetening appears when, as a result of your avoda (serving Hashem) the spiritual need that you were erroneously trying to satisfy by watching films, is satisfied by the level of spirituality that your Divine soul was searching for all the time and you no longer feel at all drawn to be duped by the pseudo-satisfaction that you find in those films.
(The ideas brought here are explained in detail in the book "Transforming Darkness into Light" by Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh, shlit"a)

[mosheh5769]

Consider the lasting negative consequences such act can have on your soul, while the "benefit" and the "enjoyment" are only for the moment you're committing the act. So it's not worth to be reproduced again.

And the more effective solution is to get rid of your cellphone if you know that the temptation is too strong, or to have a cellphone which does not have a video reader.

[EveryLeaf]

Thank you for all of your replies.

[EveryLeaf]

Originally Posted by Torah613

Get rid of the cellphone.

Originally Posted by chossidnistar

change your smartphone or Iphone, for a feature phone, you stil can get emails

I really didn't want to just get rid of my cellphone- or stop my data plan. I want to continue using the internet for all the things that are OK. I was kinda hoping (against hope?) that I'd be able to stop the negative behavior and continue with the positive...

Originally Posted by mosheh5769

Consider the lasting negative consequences such act can have on your soul, while the "benefit" and the "enjoyment" are only for the moment you're committing the act. So it's not worth to be reproduced again.

I know, I tried telling myself that... But at that moment (and to some extent, even now) I thought that the even the momentary pleasure is worth the lasting consequences... (kind of the like the "value" isn't measure in length of time...)

Originally Posted by mosheh5769

And the more effective solution is to get rid of your cellphone if you know that the temptation is too strong, or to have a cellphone which does not have a video reader.

I think this suggestion is worth a try...

[EveryLeaf]

Originally Posted by danzinger

According to the Ba'al Shem Tov, every process of tikun (repair, rectification) that we undergo must follow through three stages: submission (hachna'ah), separation (havdalah) and sweetening (hamtakah).
In your case, the first stage is to quit "cold turkey" by submitting your will to Hashem's will and immersing yourself in Torah study.
Once you have begun that, the stage of havdalah begins. You need to clarify for yourself what it is that you are lacking spiritually that makes you find those films fulfilling on a physical/emotional level. This stage is best accomplished by talking things over with a mashpia (a mentor) or a close friend or relative.
The stage of sweetening appears when, as a result of your avoda (serving Hashem) the spiritual need that you were erroneously trying to satisfy by watching films, is satisfied by the level of spirituality that your Divine soul was searching for all the time and you no longer feel at all drawn to be duped by the pseudo-satisfaction that you find in those films.
(The ideas brought here are explained in detail in the book "Transforming Darkness into Light" by Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh, shlit"a)

Thanks Danzinger, I was looking and waiting to hear something like this...

[EveryLeaf]

Originally Posted by danzinger

Once you have begun that, the stage of havdalah begins. You need to clarify for yourself what it is that you are lacking spiritually that makes you find those films fulfilling on a physical/emotional level. This stage is best accomplished by talking things over with a mashpia (a mentor) or a close friend or relative.

I know precisely why I watched films on YouTube... it was a catch 22. I was watching as a means of escape. I didn't want to think about my life- so would enter somebody else's (and unlike a book- no mental energy is required). I only watched when I felt really, really down. So even if I told myself that I shouldn't, that it's an aveirah- at that point I didn't care...

[mosheh5769]

You really need help. In such cases, it is not good to stay confined at home or to stay alone. Try to make contact with other people of good influence, it will make you focus on something positive. Try to be active. When bad thoughts rise, replace them with a good thought. When you think you want to watch these videos, go out and take a walk or engage in an activity (studying Torah with someone or any other activity available), and it will temporarily postpone your bad thoughts. These activities you engage in will serve as a cooling off period. And with the help of the Almighty, you'll have the strengh to conquer your Yetzer Hara on that precise issue.

[Col]

when you feel like stopping, grab the moment and find a way to disable youtube before you start craving another movie. you can use a program like smartapp protector (app lock) or netspark for android. On iphones there are other solutions. I hear that qustodio is also good.

[ari-free]

the way to stop is to give yourself other goals instead. For example, if you made a goal to learn a certain number of pages a day, you just won't have time for all these videos.

[Majorthinker]

The way to stop is to get a simple cell phone that does not have Youtube. And to put a filter on your computer that does not allow Youtube.

[hishtatchus]

Filters etc. are just barriers, and should not be viewed as any more than that. Filters can be overridden, there are cache sites and video downloaders that can be used if one is determined. Other people and places have computers without those filters. No filter is foolproof anyhow.

It is good to put up blocks for yourself, to make yourself think twice before doing something you don't want to be doing, but don't stop there. Address the underlying issues as well. Harness your inner taavos to positive directions.

[ari-free]

right, do much positive so that you don't have time to do anything negative

[Majorthinker]

histatchus, you're right that filters are just barriers.

But here we're talking about someone who is addicted. The first step in curing an addition is to get rid of what's causing the problem. There will be headaches and pains and who knows what during the first few days (or weeks) after you stop.

And then it gets easier, you find other things to fill the empty space, and little by little the need for it lessens.

Obviously, even after you have weaned yourself, you need to be careful around whatever substance you were addicted to.

But as a first step, putting a filter (or tossing the cigarettes and kidnapping the teudat zehut) is a good idea.

Oh and if you want a filter that is foolproof and that you have no control over, it's called Internet Rimon (or Etrog, not sure what the difference between the two is). When you want a site unblocked you call the company and ask them to allow you to view it. I hate their guts, but for other reasons. (My computer has no filter, we will probably put one when the kids are old enough to use it on their own.)

Also, I never said to stop at the filter. The guy needs immediate help, so he needs a filter. And then he should go from there.

ari-free, that's really tough when you're addicted, and chances are about 95% that he's going to fail within two weeks. He needs to put a filter AND THEN start filling his time with positive things (or do both at the same time, whatever).

[AhavasYisrael]

Nowhere in this thread is there any mention of addiction.

But especially if it were an addiction, external factors, like a filter would be a band-aid at best.

For an addict, real inner work needs to be done.

[Majorthinker]

If you can't stop, and it's taken over your life - it's an addiction. Because you're no longer i control.

If someone smokes once every few weeks, but can go months without touching a cigarette - he's not addicted.

If he gets headaches three hours after his usual cigarette time passed, sans cigarette - he's addicted.

If you can switch phones and the problem goes away - you're not addicted.

If switching phones makes you look for other ways to get your dose of porn, and you can't think of anything else the entire day, until you've seen some porn - you're addicted.

No, filters aren't a solution. They are just the beginning of the weaning process.

Step 1: Disconnect person from addictive substance.
Step 2: Get person into therapy, or a 12-steps program.
Step 3: Never got near addictive substance again.
Step 4: Maybe you can watch others use addictive substance. MAYBE.

[hishtatchus]

Disagree about "never get near addictive substance again" in general in connection to addictions.

In the case of inappropriate viewing material, yes - but not because "it's addictive," but because "it is asur and bad for my neshama."

For alcohol, food, and shopping addictions, for example, I don't believe that advice is very good. (And as to the effectiveness of 12 step programs - that's a whole 'nother discussion...)

Suggestion: The maamar Pokeach Ivrim, which addresses addiction directly, along with how to deal with it.

[AhavasYisrael]

Is that Maamar available anywhere in English?

[hishtatchus]

Not as far as I know, unfortunately. It's actually originally in (old) Yiddish, so the Hebrew itself is a translation.

[Majorthinker]

Fine, so therapy instead of 12 steps.

I still think that you need to cold turkey and then deal with finding replacements. Healing can only begin after you've separated yourself from the addictive substance.

So we can agree to disagree. Even therapists disagree.