Long Hair

[n'eNow770]

Ask16-do you have curly hair? Do you know how hard it is to have curly hair, and how ugly it looks on certain ppl when its short? For some it goes UP NOT DOWN when it's short, so you get some nasty aphro-ewww... It's VERY difficult to have curly hair!
Also, where do you learn out that the chochmim say no longer then shoulder length? And just on a whim to get a little technical, what if one girls neck is like and inch longer than anothers, thats not fair, she gets to have longer hair, lol

[ask16]

well yeah it does attract attention!!!!!

[mendyt]

There is agreat book in tznius out by Rabbi Falk called "Modesty - An Adornment for Life". Very comprehensive book, I would recommend it to anyone who has questions about tznius.

Link to Amazon

[n'eNow770]

I have it- aka, "Ohz V'Hadar L'Vusha"... yes it answers your questions regarding Halacha, and yes it tells you how "repulsive" it is to wear certain things etc... and i could understand recommending it for those reasons, but if someone really has questions on the whys of Tznius, it's not for them. It might even turn them away from wanting to be Tznius, bcuz untill you have the true fundamentals of Tznius, it's very hard info to swallow...

[Meshulam]

If you need Chizuk, that book isn't where to find it...

[n'eNow770]

I sat and read it one Shabbos...and i got a lot out of it, but on the other hand you want to clap "al chet" lol. Like, R' Falk says that a skirt with pleats that has a different fabric in the pleated part is "revolting..." it's hard words to swallow.

[mendyt]

His hashkafa may be different than ours but its hard to argue with halacha and he has a lot that in the book

[Majorthinker]

n'eNow770- totally sympathize, but the fact is (honestly, tried- and- true- tested), that a girl's hair attracts much more attention if is one or both of these things: a)curly b)extremely long. For a girl with stick-straight hair to have it two inches past the shoulders, isn't such a big deal, but for those of us blessed with those gorgeous curls, it's not tzniusdik, and it's quite a nisayon. (Which is why I kind of chopped mine off Erev Shavuos.)

[ask16]

no even if you have stick staight hair its not tznuis
any long hair past the shoulders!!!!!!

[Majorthinker]

So I guess that includes yours..? The point of the inyan is that it should not draw attention. Each one must decide for heraself what will draw attention, and avoid it.

[n'eNow770]

Honestly, if my hair is cut shoulder lenghth, instead of going down, it goes up, no can do...
Also, seriusly if a bochur sees my hair shoulder-length vs. a few inches lower, is he seriously going to get so attracted? Thats the part i don't understand...
I can understand very long hair, i can understand very wild hair, but i can't understand how 1)tamed curls are such a problem 2)how hair like 3-4 inches below the shoulder is such an issue...it's not going to make heads turn!

[Torah613]

...because you (obviously) don't have the mind of a bochur.
Seriously, girls usually don't understand the opposite gender (nor are they expected to), especially in these issues.

[n'eNow770]

Thats the annoying part, i don't understand. I know that every Mitzvah we do does not need an explanation. But Tznius is such a "sticky" topic-everyone holds differently on it... And it's all b/c of all these things like "attraction" etc... it's something that i don't understand, and thats what makes it hard-Tznius of clothing i can deal with, socks i can deal with, attitude i can deal with-but of hair? Ahh...its hard...

[Torah613]

True, which I think is why many teenagers have tznius issues - because they don't (and really can't) truly understand the issues involved.

[ask16]

hey majorthinker if everyone will choose for themselves what is tznuis fot them- then there is no use for the torah and mitzvos -it tells you what to do and what is allowed, e.t.c.
so what are you trying to tell me not to keep my hair down, my hair is not even past shoulder lenght?!?!?!?!(but that is totally a side point)
and you know what, to keep your hair down is very feminist,(which is a good thing for girls to do) obiviaslly past you shoulder(as halacha says) is not allowed,PERIOD.

[Majorthinker]

Everyone should decide for themselves within the boundaries of halacha- I am NOT Reform, thank you vey much!

[n'eNow770]

Torah-very true...its hard to follow something when you cannot understand why. It makes sense to cover your elbows/knees/collar bone...but when you get to things like "hair" its very difficult to draw the line.
Ask16-could you please show me where in Halacha it says so?
Also, there is something called "dakos Haemes" and that's for each person to decide on their own... So major is right, as long as its Halacha, you can then choose where you hold-how far you go within the "spirit" of the "law".

[byc88]

Originally Posted by dys

Secondly, the Rebbe said that even a married woman should not shave her head because it would be undesirable to her husband knowing that's she's bald. The Rebbe did say that a married women's hair should be half a tefach length(about an inch and a half) under her sheitle.

I think you may have got that mixed up a bit the rebbe said a women should not shave her head but not have it longer than a tefach either so it wont stick out

[ask16]

n'enow770-thats not true about being technical and the chachmim said till the shoulder its true i will get you the source for it but in the mean time if you have Rabbi Foulk's book then it could give ANY answer you want you dont have to follow by it but its a very good book there's so much in their you can always read it again and again and learn something from it everytime and there's even halochos for married woman on tznuis like, covering hair, wearing robes in and out of the house,e.t.c.

[intodeep]

guys whats ur problems!!!! i think laubavitch need ot majorly need to change some of their "rules."

plenty of ppl inthis world have curly long hair. IT DOESNT ATTRACT ATTENTION. its no untznious. believe u me its not a shoker nor untznius. i get more stares for being dressed tznisuly than i do for wearing my hair out.

g-d blessed me with a beautiful head of curls. i take very good care of it and it is always well tamed and if im having a bad hair day its generally pinned back even. i dont see any reason as to why i cant wear it out and i was given it for a reason and i want to use it to its fullest

[Bittul]

Rabbi Falk can opine as he'd like, but the sefer Kvuda Bas Melech is Lubavitch minhog, and there is nothing there on being careful of what kind of haircut you give yourself.

[yaldah613]

is there a problem with long hair if it's always in a ponytail/bun etc.?

[intodeep]

i found hte pefrect soloution to the problem. my hair is cut in 2 layers a short bob around my face and then long curls. so when my hiar is only supposed to be shoulder lenght its goes up in a pony or a plait a my short bob remains out and when im allowed to wait it out i have a really funky cut!!!

[Torah613]

Originally Posted by Bittul

Rabbi Falk can opine as he'd like, but the sefer Kvuda Bas Melech is Lubavitch minhog, and there is nothing there on being careful of what kind of haircut you give yourself.

Who says that sefer is L minhog? (Not arguing, just asking. Also, I'm not knocking the sefer in any way CV, just I never heard such a "hagdoro").
Legofo shel inyon, the discussion of loose hair etc. is brought and referenced on p 24, where it is obvious there are different minhogim etc.

[Majorthinker]

Originally Posted by yaldah613

is there a problem with long hair if it's always in a ponytail/bun etc.?

Not at all, since when it s in a pony or a bun, it doesn't show how long it is, nor does it fall past your shoulders. intodeep- what world are you in, where curly hair worn down doesn't attract attention? And how do you know why ppl. are staring at you?